Can a college course in Taylor fandom REALLY turn our man into a mid-life Swiftie?

Jonathan Brocklebank goes back to school to learn the secrets of the world’s most fervent fans
It begins like an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting – except there is a curious tone of denial among the attendees. ‘My name is Kim and I am not a Swiftie,’ says one. ‘I’m Judith and I’m not a Swiftie,’ says another. ‘I don’t know the names of any of her albums.

After introducing himself, a silver-haired gent called John goes still further: ‘I don’t know anything about Taylor Swift.’

Wilma admits that she is aware of a song called Shake It Off but, apart from that, she is a complete abstainer.

Several members of the class politely aver that they are ‘here to learn’.

As, indeed, am I. The largest gap in my knowledge is an understanding of my classmates’ motives for attending a Glasgow college’s crash course on the hottest pop star on the planet. So they are not fans. No shame there. Appreciation of her oeuvre is not compulsory.

Yet here they are, giving up a weekday evening for an education on a cultural phenomenon to which they were ­hitherto content to pay no mind. What has ­happened to them?

The answer for most is they have become holders of some of the most precious briefs in the history of live music in Scotland. They will number among the estimated 215,000 watching Swift perform hits spanning a near two-decade career during a three-night residence at Edinburgh’s Murrayfield Stadium next month.

If they only know Shake It Off, it could be a long evening. Performances on her Eras tour have been clocking in at three hours. And she might not even play that one.

Besides, there are Swifties out there who you fear would lop off limbs for the chance to catch their heroine at Murrayfield. Alas, they missed out in the scramble for tickets – which vanished in a heartbeat – and they have been inconsolable ever since.

The least those who succeeded in bagging briefs could do in the circumstances, perhaps, is learn a lyric or two and achieve a passing knowledge of the exes they may or may not be aimed at.

Then there is the question of the outlay. Some of these agnostics shelled out up to £500 per ticket and did so out of love for the true believers (teenage daughters in most cases) they will accompany to the show.

What are they going to do? Sit there and mutter that she’s no Madonna or get their money’s worth by wearing one of Swift’s signature looks, learning the crowd chants and throwing themselves into the occasion?

On the evidence of this week’s Taylor Swift workshop at Glasgow Clyde College, it appears many have convinced themselves it must be the latter.

And here, perhaps, I should declare my own position. My name is Jonathan and, while not a Swiftie exactly, I enjoy her music. I’ll also be attending one of her shows. I’ll be honest: I hadn’t given any thought to what to wear. I’d no idea that it was practically mandatory to make a heart with my hands during the song Fearless and that I’d look clueless if I didn’t.

Course tutor Carla McCormack, 38, class style consultant Andrew Jack, 21, and hairdresser and make-up artist Angela McConnachie could all help me with that.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. For the benefit of those living under rocks since 2006, our lesson begins with the inquiry ‘Who is Taylor Swift?’

Well, says superfan Ms McCormack, she’s a self-taught guitarist and singer who grew up on a Christmas tree farm in Pennsylvania. She was born on December 13, 1989, and… now, does anyone in the class know why her parents named her Taylor?

‘Ooh! Ooh! I know!’ I almost said, my hand shooting up. Teacher chose someone else.

‘It’s after the singer James Taylor.’

Excellent, and did you also know that her parents Scott and Andrea were indulgent enough to move to Nashville when their budding songstress daughter was just 14 to help her get a foothold in country music?

The factoids were coming thick and fast. She was a mere 16 when she released her debut album and, by 19, had already fallen out with Kanye West after he stormed the stage during her acceptance speech for an award to tell her Beyoncé should have won.

Little could the ungentlemanly rapper have guessed back then at Swift’s capacity for holding grudges. Lyrical digs at him featured in her songs thereafter and, in her 30s, still do.

Next we were into the boyfriends section of the course – key, we were told, to understanding Taylor.